I remember waking up in the morning, getting in the shower before work. I remember my mom telling me I had been in the shower for almost a half hour. I remember feeling like I had only been in there for about five minutes. What I couldn’t remember was if I had washed my hair, so I was washing it multiple times. Some days, showers were fine, but I couldn’t remember what I was doing and had to figure out that I was getting ready for work and had to remind myself where I worked.
I remember my mom telling me she noticed something was wrong. I remember talking to my mom then all of a sudden she was crying and calling for my dad to come in. I remember my boyfriend freaking out and asking if I was alright. I remember being told every odd thing that happened to me that didn’t seem right and I remember everything I felt and had to put back together when I came out of this weird trance. I remember being told that I would have perfect eye contact staring at someone or something.
I remember the first time I was told I had epilepsy. I was confused because I only thought there was one type of seizure. I was unaware and became aware when I was diagnosed with Complex Partial Epilepsy. I would just stare off into space, sometimes I said weird things that didn’t make sense, smacked my lips and/or played with my hands. I don’t know when I am about to have a seizure, I only feel fuzzy when I come out of it. From what I am told, it is rare to not have an aura or feel your seizures coming on.
I am surrounded by love and support and that is something I will always remember when I am feeling depressed and having a pity party. I have my amazing parents, my boyfriend, my brother and my family and friends who help in any way they can and have become more aware of Epilepsy as I did. I often feel depressed because I have no idea what caused my seizures, that I was diagnosed in my late twenties and I feel like it has held me back personally and professionally. I have to stay positive, we all do. I’m not confident about a lot on this journey, but I do know one thing… if you see me having one of my seizures, I can beat you in a staring contest.
